Love Yourself

This is easy to write but not so easy to do… for some, or maybe many or maybe all. I know many of you are saying, ‘Ms. Please, I LOVE me!’ and if that was your initial reaction then that’s great. If you hesitated, this post may be helpful. If you had a hard time processing the statement, then I dearly hope the words can make a positive impression.

Student A – ‘I Love Me’ Follow up questions: Do you genuinely Love you? Is it possible to Love something or someone you don’t completely know yet? Do you love yourself everyday, with every action and words spoken? And if the answers are still yes, last question, Do you LIKE yourself?

Student B – ‘Not sure if I do’. I believe you can learn from Student A. Student A demonstrates confidence, because their instinct was to say ‘Yes, I love Me!’ (even if they may be hiding insecurities or uncertainties, that’s called ‘being human’) Even in your darkest moments, you MUST love yourself because that love can see you through that dark moment. NOW – TOO MUCH LOVE can be bad. Believing your ‘sh*t don’t stink’ (yes, Ms. Chavez get’s real) can be analyzed as mental disorder called ‘Narcissism’ and nobody wants that. We all want and strive for HEALTHY. Getting back to LOVE, means that you are your biggest fan when you feel alone. When you believe you can’t make it, won’t make it, loving yourself can be the strength you need to get over it! – Helpful Link : Confidence vs. Narcissism

Student C – ‘I don’t know what that means’. I say, you do. Not that you don’t know what LOVE means but loving yourself, which is different, having a healthy self-esteem. You know what that means because you have seen it. Maybe you have experienced it outside of home with friends or other family members, or your teachers and probably aren’t sure what that looked like.
Example of high self esteem can be as easy as self care. Do you have friends that care about their personal appearance? Get all dolled up because they love feeling pretty? Are particular about what they wear and how they look? These small gestures mean a great deal and can show the world that you care about yourself, healthy self esteem. Do you struggle with this? I know I did as a teen. I didn’t fit the mold of what society believed to be ‘pretty’ therefore it was pointless to try.

As a teen I saw love around me but had none for me.

Having low self esteem almost killed me because I didn’t see the point of being a part of anything if I didn’t have love. I had plenty of friends that fit that description, were beautiful and stylish and confident but I never thought I was.. AND I had friends that told me I was and teachers that told me I was as well. The most I could say is that I was confident with my grades, mostly because I was scared of my grandmother, had to get those A’s, but self LOVE? I didn’t know what that meant. I can look back and recognize that I rarely felt it at home.
I never needed what every teenager should have, like a bed, or mattress (there was a time in my childhood when 5 of us lived in 1 bedroom of a 4 bedroom apartment, even though the apartment was under my grandmothers name, my aunt profited by renting out the additional bedrooms to strangers) food, and clean clothing but love?
If you ask my grandmother or the elders of my family, they would say that meeting my human needs was all the love I needed but I will disagree. Children need more than shelter, food and clean clothes to become healthy and whole adults and of these is LOVE.

Growing up, I lived with feelings such as envy and jealousy when I saw love being poured onto others, but I never acted on those feelings. I was and felt desperate to be loved by my ‘friends’ and others and couldn’t risk being hatefully thought of; I just wanted to feel like I belonged. Therefore I practiced being too kind, overly thoughtful, many times bought my friends sympathy. As I got older, I engaged in dangerous behaviors and activities that could have marked my life worse than it did, all because I didn’t have Love for myself.. does this sound like anyone you know?

If the answer is yes, who is this person? Because if it is you, there is SO MUCH you can do, whereas if it is a friend, there are ways to help but the results will never be up to you.

You? : Start with self care. Whether you believe you fit society’s standards or not, you are beautiful and you deserve love. Take the time to develop your personal hygiene and doll yourself up HOWEVER you feel beautiful. You will find your circle when you curate your inner beauty.
A Friend? : Shower them with Love. Praising them when they demonstrate true friendship and genuine kind words help. Some friends may hide the rough home they come from and may not hear love therefore hearing it from a friend can help them experience what love is. Be present for them. Disconnect sometimes and LISTEN with intention when they open up to you. Sometimes people need someone to hear them out, not necessarily solve their problems but sit and listen.
Doesn’t that sound like a friend you would love to have? I believe it starts with becoming those things we need, in order to get it.

Remember, applying all this love to another human being does NOT guarantee a return but it should never be about them… it should be about YOU. Every ounce of love you give will come back to you in some way going forward. And if for some reason you are betrayed because you never know in friendship, never see it as a loss. You may decide to end that friendship, that’s the loss but deciding to be a Loving human being will be your greatest asset and strength.

Which Student are you? A, B or C?
What healthy actions do you promise yourself to become a Loving Teen?